Snapped Lead

What is up with that cliche?

I savored the space offered to me with open arms. I welcomed it and used it. Done. Now, I need to get out of it. But it seems I still can’t. How long will this go on?

I doubt I may have fooled everyone, but at least I tried fairly well to handle myself. The isolated condition I am experiencing nowadays seems to be a very good reflection of what I have gone through when I was in sixth grade, too. It was a difficult feeling, being alone. It was a good thing that I met someone who was so cheerful and good-natured, who made me laugh all the time. I made a new friend back then. It was good that I was not so solitary for so long. If there was any emotion I never wanted to experience in my life ever again, it was the feeling of being alone, being ignored. It may be a simple thing, but it was painful for me. Sometimes I don’t give my attention to it, but it’s there. My eyes would suddenly feel a little stingy. . .

This morning, during break, was another painful one. My friends had already proceeded to the canteen, so I quickly bought a drink and sat with the five of them. They were having a conversation, so I tried to keep up while trying to peek out at some of the food stands so I could buy something to eat while I sipped my Milo. However, it just seemed as though nothing happened, as if nobody pulled up a chair and sat down with them. Nobody even had the slightest eagerness to just glance up or say a small distracted “Hi” or even a “Psst”. Was I really this much of a nobody now?

At that very moment a part of me wanted to run to the toilet and cry out…. But no, only weak people did that.

I had no choice but to endure the whole fifteen-something minutes that I stayed with them. I tried to join in, but nothing seemed to click at all. LUCKILY, though, fortunately, thankfully, someone sat down beside me, far from my other friends. It was the person I made friends with in sixth grade. Well, at least I resurfaced a little. =’)

At this rate, I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t know what to do with my friends. I’ve been wanting to cry for days but I had my pride hitched up a little higher. I would have to be more patient about this.

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// EDIT: Damn it, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL AM I SAYING? This is purely drama, darn it! Why the heck should I cry over something like this? It’s not like somebody betrayed me or something! I’ll be just normal, keeping my distance until the time comes when everything will be fine for the other side! Isn’t that simple? XDDDD Okay!! Now let’s go watch some movies or something…………

// EDIT 2: OMG. I WROTE THIS?! HAHAHAHA. Funny, I was so emoootivee.. When I think back positively, being alone doesn’t seem to be so bad after all. XD It’s just that I feel smaller than ever whenever I’m alone…. Weird feeling though…